{letting out}

I guess I've thinking to much lately... like always, I never get to find someone that can completely understand me, and probably all of what I'm typing will just be a mix of words without sense. Isn't that complicated? to say what you mean, to feel understood, to feel that someone is hearing or reading you, and actually getting what you mean.
Life, 4 letters that don't really contain everything that happens on one day, one month, years... etc. Every year, I get older, now I'm even getting fatter, I'm supposed to grow and know more, but I’m questioning more and more everyday.
How to be happy? How to keep fighting? how to go on in this life?
Who can I really trust, who can I really call….
Sometimes I take my cell phone and look at the numbers one by one, when I get to the last one, I realize that probably I cannot call anyone, that probably I should just talk to myself, Like I do on the daily basis.
People sometimes can be so mean, and can really hurt you, sometimes by just looking at you…

Now I wonder if everything that has happened to me, has happened because of me, because of my actions and my words.
It seems that I keep on losing things. Every year is a different world, and this one has been so out of the way. I miss people. I miss all the times when I was just a simple boy, that used to sit on the roof of the house, look at the stars, and wish for a drop of friendship, for a little piece of hope…
Now:
I guess I got tired. Of this…..
I am tired of trying… and I think and think about giving up….
I am tired, and once again I’m losing myself…